The Silent Killer

I want to be transparent with you today. I want to talk about depression and just how real it is. It affects many on different levels. Some don’t know they are depressed or how to deal with it. I am no expert or doctor. Today I want to discuss me and what I’ve seen. Cool?

I didn’t realize what it was until after I visited my doctor for a follow up. There was a questionnaire about how I was feeling. Upon completion it said I was mildly depressed. And my doctor mentioned it briefly. In my head I was thinking, no way!!!! I actually laughed it off. With that I never pushed the doctor for more information.

Then I started thinking and researching. My total knee replacement surgery was in September 2018. I have not completed one creative task since then. I’ve read maybe two books. I’ve had a few photo sessions. I rarely even turn the TV on or turn a movie on until bed time. All these things are so very rare for me.

I talked with my mom. She also confirmed it. So, I started thinking, what am I going to do. I knew for a fact I didn’t want medication. That was already in the cards. The question now was how do I fix it? If you don’t speak to me regularly, or we’re not on that level, you probably wouldn’t notice. Not that I’ve asked. What I do know is that those closest to me have asked why I haven’t done certain things. Most of the time I give them a polite shrug or a simple I don’t know. A few people like my work mom I’ve had long talks with them about it. Overall I don’t really talk about it.

You maybe asking why not talk about it. One, I may talk to some people, but I still keep a lot of things in. One description I was given is that I’m like a boiling pot. I boil inside until I just blow up. So, hearing people tell me “just get over it” might be that point you don’t want to see or experience.

As I move forward with getting back out into the community, forcing myself to mingle with others and meet new people, I feel I’m heading in the right direction. I’m starting to work on some creative projects. My new paparazzi business has put me in touch with some amazing people that unknowingly has helped a great deal already. I’m working on new fashion show ideas for 2020. So it’s coming along. Slowly but surely.

I wanted to share this because many people suffer alone. While I’m fortunate to have amazing family, great friends and doctors, others are not so lucky. So when someone feels comfortable enough to talk to you, don’t brush them off. Listen. Don’t tell them to get over it. Ask them how can you help. If you are going through some form of depression, please understand that sometimes you will more than a friend, you’ll need someone with the professional expertise to help you. Remember, you can do this! You may have to work at it, but that’s okay, you can still push through.


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